...And then she died

I love survivor stories.  They provide hope, perspective, and maybe even some medical information that you can use.  You hear these stories on the news, websites, you tube, friends, family, strangers, and books.  They can inspire you; unless they end with “and then she died.” Seriously.  As in seriously people tell me stories that end with “and then she died” and seriously, don’t tell me a story that ends that way. 

Think about it.  You tell this beautiful story of this woman thriving with cancer, overcoming obstacles, being strong and fighting a good fight and you end the story with her early demise due to cancer.

I’ve even read books written by (early stage) survivors where they share stories like this.  I don’t think early stage patients think about death like late stage patients.  We are their fear come to life. When you are stage 4 and there is no stage 5, death becomes very real.  Thoughts of “I don’t want to die” occur every time you think you feel something new, every time you get back a bad scan, every time you have to change treatments.

When you really think about it, your purpose for telling this story is to instill hope and to inspire, so when you end the story with “…and then she died” (of cancer) you negate your entire story. The patient you are telling the story to is suddenly focused on the part that this wonderful, strong person still got beat by cancer.  That’s the only thing we take from this story.  We will probably cry for this strong woman the next second we are alone.  We will see ourselves in her, wonder if we are as strong as her, wonder if we will meet the same fate.  I know sometimes it is hard to find stories that don’t end like that, especially since everyone dies eventually. But I urge you, don’t tell cancer patients stories where the person dies of cancer.  You really do more harm than good.  If you are already guilty of this, I forgive you, just don’t do it again.