One of Those People

I’ve been having a bit of a rough time lately.  I was on a chemo regiment that made me feel normal.  I was back to my cheery self and had energy and a desire to actually go out and do stuff, but then I noticed that things weren’t feeling right and that most likely this treatment was failing me.  Unfortunately, I was right.  This meant on to treatment plan number 7.  This new chemo has been pretty rough on me.  The first two weeks I was on it, I was in some serious pain.  My entire body hurt and nothing was helping, then my heart started racing and I ended up in the ER.  The second two weeks of this chemo depleted my immune system.  I had a fever and vomiting and felt awful.  I was hospitalized for five days and on day five, my hair started to come out in clumps.  It was not fun.

Number 7

For two weeks now, since I started this new treatment, I've been in pain. It's like menstrual cramps all over my body. It rarely lets up. I'm crabby and sleepless. I'm mourning for my last chemo which I felt great on. I'm not even sure this one is working. 

I'm taking double laxatives everyday (this one causes constipation) plus aleve. I'm crying regularly from pain and frustration. 

I'm sick of this daily battle. I'm sick of being a warrior. I want a cure. I want a future. I want to live. 

I want a damn glass of sangria.