One of Those People

I’ve been having a bit of a rough time lately.  I was on a chemo regiment that made me feel normal.  I was back to my cheery self and had energy and a desire to actually go out and do stuff, but then I noticed that things weren’t feeling right and that most likely this treatment was failing me.  Unfortunately, I was right.  This meant on to treatment plan number 7.  This new chemo has been pretty rough on me.  The first two weeks I was on it, I was in some serious pain.  My entire body hurt and nothing was helping, then my heart started racing and I ended up in the ER.  The second two weeks of this chemo depleted my immune system.  I had a fever and vomiting and felt awful.  I was hospitalized for five days and on day five, my hair started to come out in clumps.  It was not fun.

Never puke in a paper bag and other cancer words of wisdom

1. Never puke in a paper bag. Unless, of course, it is an emergency.  I will admit I had one such emergency as I was driving home from work one day.  I felt fine one second and the next second, well, not so much.  All I had in the car was a paper bag, thankfully it was padded with some tissues I had thrown in there earlier.  The bag barely made it home to the garbage can.  I now keep a puke (plastic) bag in my car.

Hair Again, Gone Tomorrow

Sunday, January 19, 2014

Treatment Plan #5

Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and happy anniversary today to me and my husband!  We had a great Christmas this year.  Last year Christmas got lost in the chaos and fear of the diagnosis, misdiagnosis, and starting chemo a mere five days prior.  This year we decorated the house inside and out, got a tree, and actually waited for Christmas to open all our gifts.  It was really nice and I think we both got some of that child-like Christmas giddiness.

Two days before Christmas I got good news in the form of scan results.  I say good news but it should have an asterisk by it.  The scan showed that the spots on my liver had shrunk significantly, the bones were stable and there was growth in the breast and lymph nodes. For weeks I have been watching and feeling new spots pop up on my breasts and lymph nodes so I knew those spots would show growth on my scan.  My main concerns were my liver and if there were any new metastases.  Since those areas were good news, I took this to be good news overall.

I met with my doctor the day after Christmas to figure out our new plan (treatment plan 5 since I started treatment in December 2012).  She wanted to keep me on my current regiment and just add another chemo but there was no protocol for doing that and if she did so she would be putting me at risk.  So unfortunately this means scrapping this plan and moving on to something new again.  Next Thursday I will start two new chemos; one is a pill and one is an infusion once every 21 days.  For some reason pills always cause less panic, as if a pill couldn’t do too much harm.

I’ve been pretty calm about this news and the changes that we will be making again.  I really love my doctor and trust that she is working in my best interest.  Of course, reality always hits at some point and that point was last night as I lay in bed with husband.  It hit suddenly, as reality often does, and I realized I am scared, possibly petrified.  It’s not just the new side effects I worry about which can last days, weeks, months but it is the actual infusion that I fear too.  You see, the first two times I got chemo I had an allergic reaction.  We aren’t talking runny nose, watery eyes, and sneezes type of allergy.  Nope.  I went code yellow, twice.   My stomach was on fire, my face felt hot and swollen, and I was seeing stars.  I didn’t pass out but I don’t recall much from the time I told the nurse I was seeing stars and my room filled with nurses, doctors, and pharmacists.  I know they acted quickly and I felt better almost instantly but the experience was still terrifying.  Every time I start a new drug I have this fear now.  This is my first hurdle to get over with a new treatment.

My second hurdle, of course, is the nausea days that will follow it.  These days can be the first 24 or 48 hours or they can start a full day or two after the infusion.  You just never know how your body will react.  I get my infusions on Thursday whenever possible that way I can try to make it through work on Friday and then hopefully deal with the worst of it on the weekend.

The third hurdle is the lasting side effects; these are the mouth sores, neuropathy, hand/foot syndrome, hair loss, etc.  So far, the worst of these for me is the mouth sores and taste changes.  It’s amazing how grumpy you get when you can’t eat properly or taste.

 

As always I am hoping this chemo won’t be too bad.  I’m hoping it allows me to feel like me and eat normally (with the exception of sushi and buffets and citrus) and most importantly I’m hoping it works on all of the cancer inside me.  I did ask Santa to make me cancer free in 2014 and I think I’ve been pretty good this year.

Did I mention 5 is my lucky number?  Yeah.  I've so got this one.

Update

I know I haven't blogged in a while. I have a metaphorical stack of half written posts and posts yet to reach my fingers. I've just been too tired. I've had a bit of a rough go of it lately.
Here's what has been going on…