A Random Thought Train

My heart is beating out of my chest and I can't calm myself. I've been reading again and I read about a clinical trial for stage four triple negative breast cancer that's recruiting. It's immunotherapy and they inject you with a virus. It sounds hopeful and scary and I'm freaking out. I need to call them, get more information. Do I qualify? Can I get the treatment here or will I have to go to their hospital in Florida? Should I even try this?  These decisions are so incredibly difficult when you are facing life or death.

I read more articles. One describes all these great improvements, finishing with how they've lengthened life expectancy from two to three years. WHAT? WTF. NO! Just no. Three years is unacceptable. How can they say that's great? Do you know how fast three years goes by? I can't help but go there. Think about it. I try not to. Not me. Three years is half gone and it's not enough time and no. Just no. Not me. I have many more years left in me. I've promised myself I won't cry today but the tears find my eyes and I fight them back as best I can. I may be tired of chemo but I'm not giving up. I'm still fighting. I will continue to fight. I'm still contributing to my 401k, I don't plan on going anywhere anytime soon.