One Year & One Day

Yesterday on the one year anniversary of my diagnosis I decided to be brave and I did two things - I went back to that emergency room to see the doctor who diagnosed me and I did it without a wig or a scarf on.

One Year

Tomorrow will be one year since I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  I’m not sure how I feel about this.  How am I supposed to feel? I’m not going to celebrate; throw a “hooray I have cancer” party.  It feels wrong to not acknowledge the day though.

Say It Out Loud!

I do some of my best thinking alone in the car.  I love driving.  I could drive up and down the parkway (below the Driscoll Bridge) all day long just thinking and taking in the sights.  Have you ever really looked around you while driving on the parkway?  It is actually quite beautiful, especially now that it’s fall.  Vast blue skies and fall colored trees point you to your destination.  There are some beautiful sunsets on that road, you just have to keep your eyes open for them.

Many a blog post have been left on the road – thought and then forgotten once I exit the car. since I can’t type and drive safely I decided to record my thoughts with my phone. Ever have anyone tell you to practice a speech out loud?  Speak a mantra to your reflection in the mirror?  If you’re like me you thought that was a silly sentiment and you would feel foolish.  Saying it in your mind and saying it out loud can’t be any different?  The first time I hit record and then…silence.  I couldn’t say it.  I couldn’t speak out loud the thoughts in my head.  It was just too hard. What was easy to think got me choked up to say.  I practiced recording myself by yelling at the traffic around me. I talked to myself about being unable to talk to myself.  Finally I was able to begin speaking my thoughts.  They came out slowly, my voice gravelly from the tears I choked back.

Saying it out loud made it suddenly sound real.  The power of the spoken word. They were so right.

Cancer Causes Hugs

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As I was standing in line at the hospital waiting to pay for my parking, the woman in front of me turns around with a big smile on her face and excitedly tells me, “this is my last time here, I am cancer free.”  Tears of happiness for her welled up in my eyes as I replied, “Oh my god, that is so great. Congratulations.”  We started talking about our situations and what we’ve gone through, both so young.  Me, ten months of chemo and a lifetime of treatment ahead.  Her,  a double mastectomy, radiation, chemotherapy.