Patience Patients

As a cancer patient, time is of the essence.  Especially at stage 4.  I feel like I want to savor every moment I get; I don’t want to wait in lines or wait for late people or waste time doing things that can be done more efficiently.  I can see that other cancer patients have the same thoughts through their actions and really, don’t we have a right to be this way?  We've been told (some of us) that our lives will be cut short and to make every day count.  At the age of 33 I shouldn't be thinking about my mortality but just assuming I will outlive social security, see my grandchildren graduate high school, make it to the age where I can take money out of my IRA penalty free, and be a wacky old lady with crazy grey hair and bright red lipstick.

But there is one place where I am extremely patient and this is at the hospital.  I’m not patient with waiting weeks for an appointment, that’s not what I'm talking about.  I am talking about arriving for my appointment, waiting for them to see me, waiting for treatment while the pharmacy reads my blood work and mixes my cocktail.  Patience is a virtue.  Accuracy in my test results and chemo bag is essential and I will wait for that.  I will wait all day.  It is worth it.

Lately I have heard several other patients complain about how they have to wait for blood work results before receiving pre-meds or the pharmacy is taking too long mixing their cocktail or yada yada yada.  Do you really want them to rush through that?  Do you want to put more pressure and stress on these people who day in and day out help us fight for our lives at the expense of their own personal time and emotional well-being?  I  couldn't imagine doing their jobs – clinical nurses who are on-call 24/7, oncologists  also on-call 24/7, oncology nurses who are around toxic drugs all day, poking us and dealing with us when we have an emergency during treatment, pharmacists who carefully calculate and measure out our drugs each and every time we are there and work on creating the perfect pre-medication and anti-nausea regiment for each of our bodies.  These people are heroes.  They are our heroes, our saviors and if there is anyone we can wait for, it’s them.  Our lives depend on it.

Later in the day on my treatment day this past Tuesday I was waiting for the valet to get our car (valet, aren't we fancy?? LOL) and there was a woman also waiting by herself.  She seemed nervous (who isn't in a cancer hospital?!) and I felt a need to talk to her to soothe her a bit.  I asked her if it was her first time here and she said yes, she had just had a biopsy and was now going home to wait to see if it was cancer.  She said she was scared.  I told her we are all scared in this fight; it would be weird if we weren't scared.  I told her I had just finished treatment for the day and that I am stage 4 and doing well and that she will be ok.  She will be more then okay.  They will take care of her here and she will go on with her life.  She confided in me that she is currently uninsured; she lost her job and she is a single mom and can’t afford COBRA.  My heart ached for her, I wanted to reach in my pocket and give her the money that I don’t even have.  I told her to apply for charity care (which thankfully she said she is able to get) and I also told her to reach out to the American Cancer Society, they can and will help.  She seemed to be soothed by the fact that I stood before her looking healthy and talking as happily as I could about something so crazy and was grateful for the resources I gave her.  I can’t stop thinking about her though; I hope her biopsy is negative.

I generally feel that in life we need to hold onto each other, guide each other, be there for each other. In the world of cancer I think this holds true doubly so, maybe even more.  I ask that patients be patient with each other and with those people who are trying to help us.  They have the hardest job in the world and they are just trying to do it accurately and for our benefit. And on top of all that, they have their own lives filled with heartache and money issues and everything we have too.  They get close to us and then see us leave and move on with our lives or some of us tragically pass after doing all they can.  Love your doctors, love your nurses, and love your pharmacists.  Life is too fleeting for anything less.